Monday, May 30, 2005

Sleep disorder

Have you ever woken up and think you are dreaming then go back to sleep and dream that you are dreaming?
The other day when I woke up, I noticed that the TV and the DVD player was turned on. They were turned off before I went to sleep. I'm sure of that. I did some investigation, because I have that kinda time. I came to the conclusions that apparently I must have turned it on. Further analyzes show that I have very little to do when I'm a sleep. I guess I'm bored, and in the need of some entertainment if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
After 2 hours of investigating the scene. I got curious about what DVD I had watched when I was a sleep. So I had to use one of my investigation tools, the remote control. It turns out it was the last DVD I bought. It's like one of those self help books, except it's on DVD. It's titled, "How to for idiots: How to have your 10 to do list done before breakfast". This might be a vital evidence, but I think not. I don't see any connection.
While investigating the scene further, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was my roommate, Turtle. He said," Why are you lying on the floor man? Your just tired dude, just tired. Go back to bed".
Turns out, this whole thing was a dream and I was sleep walking. Turtle told me all about it.

Dreams or Nightmares

I just had a bizarre dream last night. I like card flourishes, it's on my mind a lot. So is De'vo's next DVD, which is soon to be released.
I dreamt that I met up with some of the Handlordz members, including De'vo. Now De'vo is mysteries. He never shows his face in his DVD's, nor in pictures. I have always wondered what he looked like. Anyways, back to my dream.
I was hanging out with the Handlordz members. I asked them where De'vo is. They said he was on the balcony getting a tan. I walked over to the door. Just as I was about to open the door, De'vo walks in. In my mind, I had imagined him to be this really mysteries cool looking person. Instead, in walked this tiny kid. Apparently asian. He introduced himself as De'vo. That's all I can remember.
A few dreams later, I was on the set of That 70s Show. We were all hanging out in the basement watching TV. For some reason we were all watching That 70s Show. I don't know why, but we had a great time. We were all laughing.
That's all I can remember.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Phone service

I hate the phone service people. They can never get around answering that phone can they.
The other day I had to make a phone call to Telenor about my internet connection.
Before you get to talk to the service people, you have to answer a bunch of yes and no questions. That's something that makes you feel really intelligent. Some of the questions were worded weird. Like,"Have you ever had cybersex and do you have email".
After you have answered the questions, not only do you feel stupid but you actually believe you are going to talk to the service people. Not a chance in hell. You get to listen to music. Music that reminds you of a shitty porn movie from the 80s. It's music you don't even want your kids to hear.
Now you are gullible and stupid.
I don't know what the fuck is going on over there. Does the person have a phobia for answering phones? Or do they have a bet going to see who can hold the longest?
If they give me a call about something, I have my boom box ready.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Dildo and his companion

Posted by Hello
Finally the government has come to they're senses. They are kicking Mullah Krekar out of the country. Some people said that he is not evil, but I always thought this was a clue (the picture above). That's Krekar on the right. On the left is his lawyer. He looks like a dildo.
By the intense look he gives Krekar, it looks like some one envies all that hair.

Dildo:"God I want your hair".
Krekar:"Yeah, but you would still look like a dildo, but with a French tickler".

Friday, May 20, 2005

Ramble on

Ever since I started this blog I feel pressured to write something everyday.
Today I don't know what to write about. This is also known as filler, just like many of the other posts.

Do you know why the moose died after falling off a cliff?
Because a cow sat on it.

Do you know what a deer says right before it is hit by a car?
C'mon, give it your best shot.

There are hidden messages in everything.
When you get a bottle of perfume as a gift, that is just so evil. The hidden message here kids is, you stink.

The other day, a friend of mine offered me gum and that pissed me off. He did it right in front of everybody too. Why not just take a knife and stab me. If his breath doesn't smell like a meadow, I don't broadcast it like a tornado warning.

When someone holds the door for you. By that, they mean you are retarded. It means that you are incapable of doing it your self.

Things not to say while in a public bathroom:
* You need help with that?
* I could really use some help right now.
* What's that ridiculous looking piece of flesh?
* Nice
* Hello everybody
* Wanna see a trick?
* I can make mine look like a burger

End of ramble.

Monday, May 16, 2005


Posted by Hello
Meet Mark McGowan. That's Mark on a typical Monday morning. He suffers from diarrhea. He had to use the tub. Otherwise, he would clog up the neighborhoods entire pipe system. But he says feel free to use the tub when visiting.
Mark claims that it is an art to scratch up other peoples cars. Don't you find it strange that Mark has only scratched up his boss and his ex-wives cars?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Hands free

I remember when hands free came out. Everybody got excited. What a relief. Now I can talk on the phone and take a piss at the same time.
I will never buy one. I don't want to look like a nut case. You pass them on the street, it looks like they are talking to them selves. Although some of them are.
Now the ear pieces are even smaller. The goal is to make them so small that you can't tell if they are talking to you, talking in the phone or talking with them selves.


You are in a public bathroom having a phone conversation with a co-worker . People think you are talking to your johnson. Someone asks you what the hell you are doing. You say, you are talking with Johnson.
My friends brag about they're ear piece, and that I should get one. Let's just see how smug they are when men in white coats are chasing them down the street.

Friday, May 06, 2005


Check out this video clip:
At least we know they are hardworking.

PETA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Ethical means moral or proper which differs for every person. Its something you discuss.
It's sad when animals are tortured. Sadly, that is the case is some countries.
PETA wants animals to live like humans. To set all animals free onto the streets. They try to accomplish these goals by harassing, threatening people, and funneling the money to people who strike matches and throw bombs.
Seems to me, these people are more like a religion. They operate like a cult.
If you want to set all animals loose onto the streets. I'm saying no baby. You do not want an 800 pound horny gorilla as your neighbor. When it's spring time the gorilla goes,"I'm gonna fuck you until you love me baby". What are you gonna do? Bring a picnic basket and stay for the day? No, you call the cops. But they would be,"Fuck that, I'm out of here". They will be miles away. Even the Taliban are going, "You are some crazy motherfuckers". Some horny bastard might go,"Could be fun".
The world is not a Disney movie where the lion signs a song to the zebra, and later on they make out in the bushes. If it were, I would be making out with Betty Boop.
What a wonderful dream

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

To levitate

I don't talk a lot about magic in my blog, even though I'm a fan of it and use to be a dorky magician. Right now I'm just dorky.
Jeff McBrides card manipulation series really got to me. When I first started learning, I was hooked. I practiced 4-5 hour's every day for about 2 months. After that I was just so sick of it.
There are some good effects out there and a lot of crap. Some people should not have the rights to put out material in the first place.
At Hocus Pocus, they have been plugging this levitation for about a year.
In-Flight, the ultimate self-levitation system for the 21st goddamn Century, is back for a limited time!
Back for a limited time, and God bless us all. What does it really mean? Back for a limited time. Back for a limited time until we can dig up more bull shit reasons to sell you crap that we don't need. Limited edition. Limited until we make some more.
Magicians have this pipe dream about the ultimate levitation. There isn't one.
A few years back at the fucked up cafe, this person was hyping up everyone about his latest invention. The ultimate levitation. Retro Gravity. In retrospect, it was a bluff. With his so called new levitation, he promised that you could levitate higher and even above water. Above water? What are you going to do? "OK folks, follow me onto this lake. I'm going to levitate over here. Peter come here". That's just ripping off Jesus.
Let's face it, there isn't going to be the best levitation. Or a push button effect. If you are going to create the illusion of levitating, use what you got and just give it some practice and use some showmanship for crying out loud.
Stop coming up with these fucked up levitations. Go create something new and fresh. Maybe the new levitation coming out named, Aliun will be something new.
Ok folks, I'm off to writing my book about the mechanics grip and the many variations I've come up with. The book is going to be a limited edition.