Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Finger

Today someone gave me the finger. I don't know why.
What does it really mean? Am I suppose to feel bad when someone shows me one of their fingers?
Who invented the finger? Did he try everything else?
Maybe at first he showed people his toes. That is really offensive.
Not only does it stink, but you have to take the shoe and the sock off.
Is he the same guy who invented the thumbs up move?
If you show someone your middle finger they will feel bad. If you show your thumb they will feel happy.
What would happen if you confused those two? "Nice job Bill". Then you give him the finger.
What came first? The thumb or the finger?

Friday, March 25, 2005

Stand up

I want to become a stand up comedian when I grow up. It is my biggest dream.
I get the feel that I haven't grown up yet.
People are constantly yelling at me,"Would you grow up".
I try to ask them for advice. They tell me to stop acting like a baby.
I don't know what to do. If I could have one wish, it would be to grow up.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Cooking on TV

I will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can't smell it.
I can't eat it.
I can't taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera-
"Well here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye"

Gay men not playing by the rules

Don't you think gay men should have their own bathrooms?
Not to be rude or anything.
If you think about it, it's kinda like a man going into the ladies bathroom.
The only difference is, he is disguised as a real man.
Or instead of that, they should go to the ladies bathroom.
They belong to that team. If we have to play by the rules, then so should they.
What about those transsexuals? What the fuck is up with that? Who are they fooling?
Was it a decision making problem? Or are they waiting for the operation to be completed?
A man wearing make up is kinda like a leopard giving you a facial, it doesn't really work.
If anyone should have their own bathroom, it should be the transsexuals.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


Caffeine is a drug- don’t kid yourself. It’s a drug that makes you work harder- that’s why it isn’t outlawed. If coffee made you sit at home all day and giggle at cartoons- it’d be illegal.

All these coffee shops are basically government approved crack houses. People walk in disheveled looking for a fix, can barely operate- then they leave happy and motivated to work. Watch somebody walking into a coffee shop and then watch the same person leaving. Got a little kick in their step!

If they could find a way to put caffeine in cigarettes the government would look the other way too.

The ball and vase

I found a cool video clip of a magic act that is totally original. Never seen anything like it.
Ball and Vase

Monday, March 21, 2005

Man in Box

Nate Burton Posted by Hello
Magician Nathan Burton does his best David Blaine impression

Yes, that's right; the Las Vegas entertainer intends to lock himself in a box with seven scantily clad showgirls for seven days in a publicity stunt that will take place March 9-15 in front of the Desert Passage's "V" Theater at the Aladdin hotel-casino.
Our homeboy Burton is doing his stunt Vegas-style. He's borrowing some of Mayor Oscar Goodman's finest sequins and feathers, and spending an entire week locked in a box with a rotating troupe of 75 busty, hardly dressed women. No food. No water. Just an endless supply of energy drinks.
Howard Stern is scheduled to interview a boxed-in Burton; E! is planning a half-hour special; and the nightly news programs and entertainment gossip shows will likely follow. Plus, when it's all over, Burton won't just walk away. The box will be lowered, put on a cart, wheeled out to a waiting flatbed truck and then transported down Interstate 15 on its way to Hollywood, where it will be opened before a live television audience.

So tell us, magic man, why?

"It's the chance of a lifetime for me," says Burton. "I have my five minutes of fame, and I want to make something of it. I want to be the one reality person that people remember."

The Father of Modern Magic

I thought I write a little about Robert Houdin.

Robert Houdin was born december 7 1805 in France. He was the father of modern magic. Before he cam along, magicians were basicly street performerse. They were consideret crooks, criminals and no one would assosiated with them.
By the late 1840 Houdin had put watch making aside and dedicated him self to magic. He did magic diffrently. Utilizing his watch making skills he brought atonetoms into his act. One of the atonetoms was an orange tree. He would borrow a bill from a from a gentelman and a ring from a lady. He would place them into a hanky and then set it on fire. The tree started to grove oranges. They were real oranges. He would take one orange and toss it to the gentalman and inside would be his signed bill. The orange on top of the tree would crack open and butterflies would fly out of it with the hanky and the ring attached to the hanky.

Robet Houdin took magic off the streets and brought it to the theater. He changed the very nature of magic. Magic was becomming a respectical theatrical art for the upper classes. Magicians were becomming celebrities.

In 1854 he desided to put magic aside and become a writer to study electrisety. The french goverment had diffrent ideas however. What was to follow was going to be one of the most legendary stories of magic. How a magician ended a war.

The french at that time were occupying the algeers wich where know as the Marabous who claimed that they had magical powers. They pulled theyre teeth out and put them back in and said I have magical powers and you dont. I now rule your country. Houdin picked up an apple and said fire. He caught the bullet with the apple. That did not impress them enough so he said fire again and this time he caught it between his teeth.

The trick that really stoped the killing was the Light and Heavy Chest. He cast a spell over a man who showed he was such a powerfull magician. He could take away the mans strenght and the man could no longer pick up the box.
He stoped a lot of killing with a single magic show, now thats amazing. However on June 13 1871 the great magician past away. His legacy however carried on.

I hope you learned some thing and enjoyed reading it.

Sleeping disorders

I can't sleep.
How can I suck at something I do every night? You would think I'd learn by now.
I'm a very light sleeper.
How about these people who can sleepwalk and eat in their sleep?
That's amazing - I can't even sleep in my sleep and these people are multitasking.
I wish I had a sit ups, brush my teeth and shave sleeping disorder.
Then when I wake up I could have half my to do list done. Then go bakc to bed, and get more done.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

The Voice

I'm jealous of crazy people.
I wish I heard voices in my head, because I'm really freakin bored!
It'd be great, somebody to talk to.
I get tierd of my own thoughts, I could use a nother opinion.

"Hey Voice, what do you think of that comercial?"
"Really, I thought it was stupid."
I could fight with my voice.

I like a good fight. right to the end. Even when a person says , "I guess we will have to agree to disagree."
"Nope, I don't even agree with that. In fact, I disagree to agree. I don't agree with anything you say."
And that starts a whole nother argument.

I like when somebody says, " You always have to have the finale word."
"You got me there."
Lets agree to agree to that.


Well, this is it. I finally decided to start my own blog. Not that I have anything important to say. I was just so bored out of my mind. Plus the doctor suggested it to me. He said a blog would be a nice way for me to get rid of my rage.
People think I suffer from insanity. I don't suffer from inasinty, I enjoy every minute of it.
There is my first post. Go nuts.