Sarcasm The way of life

Smoking is Cool

2007-07-20T10:40:00.000+02:00

Secondhand smoking in bullshit. It has not been proven that it has a hazardous effect. That's just a scare tactic by the gov. They "want" you to quit. Now they try to scare me with warning labels. Cigarettes kill they say. Well...I could kill for cigarettes.

You will often hear an uptight grown up person say,"Well you smoke because you want to look cool hand have a lot of friends". Yes that is the reason I smoke. But now most of my friends are in rehab or dead. Not a well thought out plan after all. Those uptight people will also walk by you and cough, just to show how much it bothers them. It is a good thing they don't smoke. Coughing like that. I smoke 20 a day and never cough like that.

No Limit

2007-01-19T11:58:00.000+01:00

When ever you are talking about poker my dear reader. When you say no limit texas holdem. Don't say texas holdem. We get it!! We know you are talking about poker when you say no limit. Because what else could you be talking about? You never hear a guy, or a girl say no limit and then mean yatze. Or no limit ping pong, no limit sex. Just say no limit. We all get it!

My Son

2006-09-06T22:12:00.000+02:00

Britney Spears and Kevin

2006-04-26T20:08:00.000+02:00

I bet them's fixin' fer a whole litter of chitlins...

The Loony HC Andresen

2006-04-01T11:13:00.000+02:00

A Norwegian magician, Hans Christian Andersen announced in today's papers that he will attempt to stay in a huge tank of water for 1 week - Mind you the tank is not just filled with water. Sharks as well. 4 mean hungry sharks.

The sharks have not been fed. So they are hungry. The sharks do need food. Who else to feed them than the magician. Each day the magician will attempt to hand feed the sharks with chunks of meat. A lot of concern has erupted around this. Hans has for the past few years battled his way through court rooms to get permission to do the stunt.
Hans claims to be a professional hypnotist. He will hypnotize the sharks.
Quote...I have specialized myself in hypnotism. I have trained for 15 years hypnotizing animals. I discovered this ability when I was a jungster. I was able to communicate with my dog. I could command my dog to do exactly what I wanted. I will do the same with the sharks. They will not harm me because they are my friends.

More to come.

Great Inventions

2006-04-01T10:47:00.000+02:00

Shorts is a weird invention. It's not pants, it's not underwear but right in between. Wonder who came up with the idea? Was there one guy working at a clothing factory going, "Jim, come and take a look at this. I cut the pants in half and it's going out like that."
What's next? Half a sock? "Jim, what do you think of my new socks?" "They go great with the pants."

Jihad/Yihaaa

2006-02-03T23:56:00.000+01:00

Mullah Krekar. That is another individual who should have his balls stapled to a moving train.
apparently a few countries in Europe have pissed off the muslim world. Including Norway. The muslim world is now announcing war against all the countries who did this shameless act. What would create all this hate you ask? Well a caricature of the all so fucking holly moses Muhammad.
One minute the muslism say they are not violent people. The other minute they blow up a fucking country. It's like when Michael Jackson said, I'm back and black. No white, black, white. Well, we don't know what he is. Mike's just about to jump species.

Holy war they say. More people are being killed in the name of god than for any other reason.

Magician X

2006-02-03T13:19:00.000+01:00

Hmm...Weird. Magician X blog seems to have disappeared. Wonder what happened to the guy? It's another case for the conspiracy freak.

Time Saving Concept

2006-01-31T13:45:00.000+01:00

Have you ever heard of the concept of saving time? Well, it does exist. On a daily basis we hear of these citizens who have accomplished just this. You might save some time by taking a few shortcuts to work.
Then you might ask - when can you use the time you have saved? If you have saved 2 hours over the past week. Do you then have 2 hours to spare? This concept is going to sky rocket one day. I'm telling you. One day when walking down the streets you might hear from homeless person,"Can you spare some time mister?". You might as well just start saving up right now. Like many of you readers are thinking now. "Maybe he is right. I should save some time".
The really great thing about the time saving concept is when you die. You get to heaven. Or if you are a Bush fan you go to Hell.
Either way. You can just go,"Nope, not to day mine imaginary friend. I've saved time, 36 hours. Fuck you.".
That's how it went with Jesus. He died. Went to heaven. Told the ol'man off, "Yo pops. I got time to spare. Me and my homies are going to a party. You dig?".
God:"I dig".

Can You Spare Some Time?

2006-01-27T16:38:00.000+01:00

I'm so lucky. Today I saved some time. I took some shortcuts to work. Plus I ate my breakfast and lunch at the same time. I saved 3 hours 12 minutes and 32 seconds. So I got time to spare. I do not know what to do with it yet. I'm lucky that way. If I die. I can just say to the imaginary guy upstairs (God). "Hey, you can't do this to me now. I have saved time. 3 hours 12 minutes and 32 seconds". That's where resurrection comes in. I guess that is what Viagra is for the cock. Shit that's what they should call it. Resurre(r)ction.
Grandpa can have wood again. There is granny going."Shit. You pancake head. It has reserrected, and I thought the war was over". Granpda would be on granny like shit on velcro.

Dane Cook

2006-01-17T11:58:00.000+01:00

The all so funny Dane Cook.

WorkWorkWork!

2006-01-08T17:21:00.000+01:00

Oh I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. Specially my job. I feel that I don't get enough sleep. For a while I have blamed it on low blood pressure, lack of vitamins and little exercise. Now I have found the main cause of this. Too much work!

The population in Norway is about 4 million people. Yeah a small country. But if you piss us off you will have the UN chasing after you. Which wont be a long chase. Like I said, 4 million people. 1,4 million of these people are retired. That means the remaining 2,6 million people have to do all the work. 1 million are going to school. The remaining 1,6 million have to do all the work.

Of the remaining 1,6 million people, 1 million works for the government. Which means 600.000 are left to do all the work.

Out of the 600.000, 300.000 are in the military. That means there are 300.000 left. Out of the 300.000, 250.000 are homeless living on the street. Which means there are only 50.000 doing all the work. Subtract those 40.000 who are in hospital, than you only have 10.000 left.

Off course you have 9.999 people in jail. Which means I'm the only one doing all the goddamn work in this country. What can I say. It sickens me.

Cock for dinner!

2005-12-23T00:15:00.000+01:00

That's a nasty soup. Speaking of cock soup. I had a cock problem in the kitchen today. Naturally I'm speaking of the soup, the cock soup. I went to grab the cock. I got it out. I closed the fridge to quickly and the cock got caught in between. The cock soup. I'm talking about soup. Those cock suckers are popular today.

Blogaholic

2005-12-20T01:18:00.000+01:00

Today I thought about writing some riveting notes in my blog. After I skipped over to How much is my fucking crappy life sucking blog worth, I don't feel like writing. My blog isn't worth the sewage pool it came out of.
Oh yeah - Go ahead. I'm sure you are all excited. It's just like when you wonder how much it hurts to get your ass kicked so hard that your nose will bleed.

My blog is worth $-183.00.
How much is your blog
fucking
worth?

Pepsi Max

2005-12-17T11:33:00.000+01:00

This is Pepsi Max take on the black art principle.

Link

Not paying for a ticket.

2005-12-15T17:56:00.000+01:00

If you do not want to pay for a parking ticket, or any other ticket for that matter. This sure will get out of the jam.

Approach the officer and say "No problem - I do apologise, entirely my fault. You clearly have a job to do and I should of been more careful, and I should learn to shake my hand."

This last bit that makes no sense, is said quickly and casually as you extend your hand in a friendly gesture. He should take it, which he wouldn't otherwise. Then as he does,say, "Hey, I met your dad yesterday. He's looking well." You are going to induce a state of confusion and suggestibility.

Don't quit shake hands with him. Take his wrist with your left hand and slowly bring it up in front of his face. Point at his palm with your right forefinger. Firmly but calmly say, " Look here. And of course you'll wonder what the ticket is, just like waking up from out of a dream three minutes from now and not sure what you are doing. That's fine, you can just throw it away any where you like. Or put it in a pocket, it's up to you."
If you've done it right, he will be very tranced out and just staring at his hand while you drive off.
His unconscious will act upon your instructions as a relief from the utterly blank mind state in which you have induced. And give him the double bind option of whether to throw the ticket away or put it in his pocket.
It's like asking a kid whether he wants to go to bed 7.30 or 8 pm. Eitherway he goes to bed early, but he feels he's making a decision.

Free Office!

2005-12-13T14:31:00.000+01:00

Free Office to everyone!
The new OpenOffice is just as good as Word and Excel, and it is totally free.

Link

Bye Bye A L I U N

2005-11-18T21:21:00.000+01:00

Well well. The long awaited Aliun levitation is not going to be released after all. According to Brad, it might compromise the safety of the person using it. Sounds like it can't be fixed? The pipe dream went right down the toilet drain. Which would of been the case for some of the buyers money.
Right now I do not know what to say or do? Should I do a little levitation in remembrance of Aliun.
I think we should all get our levitation devices out and levitate in silence for 2 minutes. You can even do it in groups if that will ease the pain and suffering.

Grandpa doing Street Magic

2005-11-17T20:51:00.000+01:00

This is a funny clip of Cyril in action. They have him look like an 80 year old by the use of make up and latex. Then he hits the streets for some real street magic.
Criss watch out, you got competition.
Here

Gone Mental

2005-11-14T20:57:00.000+01:00

This is something I just started thinking about. Doing an Invisible deck routine using a regular deck.

The basic is this. Before the show, you reverse one card in the deck and that's it. When you start out ask someone to name a card. If they don't name the correct card. You could go on and say something like, "Because you chose the 9 of diamonds it tells me something about you. You are a very kind and thoughtful person. You follow directions very well. Just the kinda person I need for this next effect...Etc.
By saying that the audience is not aware that you just failed a trick.The chances are 1 out of 52 and you got nothing to loose.
Off course you could narrow it down by naming different cards. Like, you tell them to not think of the ace of spades because everyone picks that one, and picture cards are too easy. Pick a card I would not think of. By saying that you have eliminated the aces, the picture cards and the spades. Now you have narrowed it down to a cards from 2 to 10.

You could ask them to build up the card in their mind. Tell them to first think of a color. A color that radiates a lot of warmth and happiness. You are trying to influence them to pick hearts, without mentioning the word hearts.
The most common chosen number between 2 and 10 is 7. There is a big chance that they will name the 7 of hearts.
You could off course reverse all the 7 in the deck, in case the named the 7 of diamonds instead of hearts. So that way you have an out. A matter of fact you have 2 outs.
This is not something I have tried. Only something I've pondered about.

The Paranormal

2005-11-06T01:18:00.000+01:00

My Cell phone has a life of it's own. From time to time the background picture changes. The alarm clock goes off even when the cell is turned off. I better check my cell phone bills. Who knows. Maybe it has made some long distance calls. For all I know, it could be talking to other cell phones behind my back.
The cell phone makes fun of me in public by using out dated ring tones. The phone makes fun of me.
This morning when turning it on, the welcome message usually reads,"You are so cool. You are the best. Everyone loves you.Stay cool." It just said,"Fuck Off."

Fucked

2005-10-20T13:32:00.000+02:00

Andy

2005-10-19T23:14:00.000+02:00

A little inspiring art.
-Yes I made it my self and I' very excited about it.

Inside

2005-10-13T15:32:00.000+02:00

What you are looking at is a pill camera. It's a camera the size of a pill, hence it's name pill camera.
You are suppose to swallow it so you can get a look at your insides.
You can transmit it to your TV. Set the VCR on record (the red button). Record the footage onto tape so you can watch it over and over again.
Isn't that something. You have now become your own Discvovery Channel special.
If you wanna go the extra mile, do voice over.
"Slowly up ahead, the breakfast I had in 1993. On my left, you can see a fart".
What sick drunken german psychologist invented this thing?
What a lovely Xmas present for your loved ones. After all, it is the inside that counts.

Smoking Kills

2005-10-09T20:35:00.000+02:00

Smoking kills. It's one of the number one killers on this planet. As I'm writing this right now, someone just died of smoking.
Smoking is slowest possible way of killing your self, yet it is legal. If you are going to use the quick and easy methods, you are a criminal. Because killing one self quickly is against the law. If you are going to kill your self, you have to die slow like the rest of us. For those who smoke light cigarettes, who are they fooling? Are they expecting the doctor to go,"You got cancer light".
What would happen if you were caught trying to commit suicide? Would they throw you in jail? Lethal injection? What would you be charged for? Assault with a deadly weapon?
Smoking does kill. You know what else kills? Quitting smoking.

Why you should not quit smoking

Magic and Meaning

2005-10-08T16:54:00.000+02:00

Today we will be looking at the true meaning and social aspect of the magician.
First lets look at the magician. A magician is a person who can dress like a pimp and nobody cares. They wear colors you never see in day light.
Now, the magician produces a rabbit out of the hat. Why a rabbit? It's a sign of re-production, sex. All the rabbit does, is re-produce. It's kinda like making a xerox out of a xerox. It's redundant. This is all done to fast paced music you would swear you have heard in a porn movie in which you auditioned for.

Next, we have a magician who cuts a lady in half. Why? He wants to create a pussy that doesn't talk. Again, referring to sex.
The magician goes for the grand finally. The straight jacket escape. He is put in a straight jacket. This is a sign of scientology. I wont explain that analogy. One day you will understand.
Ofcourse, the invincible magician escapes. This is just to show, if you fuckers put him in an asylum, security wont be a problem.

Next week we will look deeper into the relationship between snow white and the 7 dwarfs.

Bitchin Bosso

2005-10-08T13:41:00.000+02:00

The US is pretty similar to Norway if you think about it. You have Texas, we have Finnmark. Come on down we are going to party like it's 1969. We also have cloning in Norway, it's called cousins. They are only a couple in Finnmark, if you know what I mean. In case you take a flight to Finnmark and the cabin pressure falls, a small bottle of Jack Daniels will fall from the ceiling.

Sig & Roy

2005-10-06T12:44:00.000+02:00

Siegfried and Roy.
Here we have a gay lion tamer, taming another gay lion tamer.
Whoops, wrong show people.
Those cats are the closest thing they will ever come to pussy.

Tooth Fairy

2005-10-06T11:51:00.000+02:00

Let's look at the political and social aspect of the Tooth Fairy.
First we had a kid who looses his teeth. The tooth is placed in a glass of cold water. Let's call this capitalism. Cold cash. I just use that as an analogy.
Now, kid goes to sleep. Wakes up the next morning to find money instead of the tooth.
Parents who give money to a kid and go, "Don't spend it on candy." It's kinda the same as giving George Bush the power and go, "Don't fuck up the world, you hear."
"Can we blow up Iraq? I wanna use the toys."
Whoops, too late.

Eye

2005-09-30T14:24:00.000+02:00

The last thing a clitoris sees.

Gold Digger

2005-09-28T14:06:00.000+02:00

Anna Nicole Smith gets another chance to fight for the money she does not deserve.
She is asking for half of J. Howard Marshall II 's $1.6 billion fortune, which couldn't come at a better time for Smith, who declared bankruptcy in 1996 and hasn't had a significant film role since Naked Gun in 1994.
The bitch is on that money like shit on velcrow.

"It's been seven years since I've had sex."
-Those were the first words Anna said after the funeral of J. Howard.
The poor guy probably died of viagra. They had an open coffin, horrible.
"I never remember Howard being this way. Kids, get some horse shoes".
Anna's philosophy on the word marriage is,to rip out a man's gentiles through his wallet.
Instead of getting married,find a
woman you don't like and just give her a house.

Ninja Baby Turtles

2005-09-28T13:15:00.000+02:00

I knew this would happen. Wont be long before a pissed off trout will stand up from the river and go, "I wanna talk to anybody from chemical Planet, anybody. I got some 2 headed babies I wanna show them. And get the presidents ass over here".
Mr.President - have you reconsidered the Kyoto protocol?
-Bush: Oh yeah, it's a great car.

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman

2005-09-27T12:50:00.000+02:00

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...
spacer
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men......... - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. - Cupid flies around carrying weapons. - Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

In The Workings

2005-09-23T21:52:00.000+02:00

I think I got something here, I'm so excited about it. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I think you can level with me.

Recently I've been obsessed with creativity and coming up with my own material. I've been cutting up card boxes, cards and what not. Heck, even one of my fingers.
For some strange reason, I'm obsessed with the card box. I don't care that much for the cards inside the box. It's the box it self that fascinates me.
It reminds me of when I was a kid. My parents just bought a TV. The TV was fine, but the box it came in, Oh my. It wasn't just a regular box. It had colors that had never seen daylight before. The structure, the hight and width was perfect. It was my new home.

I do not know what it is. When I see a box the same size as a playing card box, I have to touch it. I can't resist.
It's like when someone tells you the wall is just painted, you have to touch it, right?

Back on topic. The thing I've come up it is not exactly something new or groundbreaking. It's my first creation that I don't feel bad about. It's a signed card to match box.
It goes like this:
A spectator picks a card and signs it. It's shuffled into the deck. The magi introduces a match box. He shows it to be completely empty. He places it on top of the deck. With some magical goofy gestures, the magi asks the spectator to open the box. When he does he freaks out. He yells course words in his on native language. He is freaked out because inside the box is a chopped off finger. Nah, you guessed it. The chosen card.

It works in theory, but I have to work on the handling a bit.

Justice

2005-09-23T20:01:00.000+02:00

Just a little update on the news here in Norway. Just after a few hours as a tourist in Oslo, the Swede, Ibrahim Batika was hit in the back of his head with a heavy metal pipe.

Without any notice, Batika was hit in the head with a metal pipe. He fell on the ground and was unconscious on one of Oslos busy streets.
The turkish born offender who attacked Batika, attacked the wrong person. He had mistaken Batika for a person who had beaten up his brothers.

You can watch the video that was caught on tape here:
Link

The blow ruined my life, said Batika.
-He was going to become a dentist.
Batika describes the attack:

It felt like the entire brain was a bouncing basketball.

*Head injuries. Short term memory is gone.
*Neck injuries.
*Impaired field of vision.
*Can't lift heavy objects with his damaged hand.

Blow number two smashed his arm, while trying to protect him self.
- The doctor at the hospital said he was lucky he survived.

Wednesday the offender had to show up in court for his cruel acts. He was prosecuted and has to spend 2 years in prison. He only got two years for ruining another persons life.
I think the fucker should at least get 5-10 years in prison. 2 years is nothing.
The chances are he is going to offend again.

The sentence for crimes like that in Norway are low, too low.
There have been many cases like that in the past where the offender got 2 years top.
The most reason one, the victim almost died. He is now in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He is not able to take care of him self. He was beaten up by a gang of 4-5 people. Most of them got 6 month in jail, while another one got 1-2 years.

If you've ever thought about becoming a criminal, now is the time.

Top Ten List

2005-09-22T15:31:00.000+02:00

Top Ten: Saddam Hussein's Romantic Tips

10. Splash on a little goat's blood.

9. Play romantic music to drown out the cries of tortured dissidents.

8. Shampoo and condition your mustache.

7. Don't be a cheapskate at the movies -- buy the large hummus!

6. Have a violinist brought over to your table and executed.

5. Show sensitive side by releasing her family from prison.

4. "Say it with toxic nerve agents"

3. Sit on porch swing and watch twinkling United State reconnaissance satellites.

2. Name a camel after her.

1. Ask if she wants to "inspect your biological weapon."

Merry Christmas

2005-09-18T21:56:00.000+02:00

I walked by a liquor store today which reminded me it's Christmas soon. Time to buy presents. You don't wanna shop at the last minute. Even worse, getting caught shopping at the last minute. It's the biggest sin's of all Christmas sin's.
I do not know what to get my girl friend yet. Birth control pills maybe. Nah, too late for that.
It's so hard shopping for girls, you don't know what they want. I've spent 2 hours drifting isle by isle at Office Max and I finally found that special pen I've wanted. Like I said, hard to shop for girls.
This year I'm going to be prepared, unlike last year. I used the wrong wrapping paper. I used a paper that said happy birthday on it. I did not want to waste all the paper. So I had to write Jesus on them - Happy birthday Jesus.
What do women want?

Insaminator

2005-09-10T17:34:00.000+02:00

Now days we have a wonderful thing called viagra. Before, it use to be rhino horn and eye lashes to give you great masculinity. You can go for an hour, and your thinking,"Yes". Your lady is going "No way. I got shit to do". The phone rings,"Yeah I'll be late today. Shit viagra. Oh go out side with that thing". You got more seamen than the german fleet. And the moment you have an orgasm, you look like Goofy. "Aim for the tits hawkeye".
The girls better use some birth control, because those sperms will be coming out of there in 500 miles per hour. A little piece of rubber is not gonna stop that. It's like putting gaze in front of a semi, come on through.
All it takes is one little sperm. One little sperm makes contact. Then its like a chromozone square dance. 24 chromozones coming down.
You just created your self a little creature. The natural process takes its place and 3 months later, the titty fairy arrives. You make one move she goes,"No, they are for the baby".
A couple of months later something else happens. The hormone fairy arrives. It makes her period look like nothing.
One day you'll be coming home and she will be standing there with a large knife yelling,"HONEY". The only thing that can save your ass then is, Haagen Dazs. You have to leave it at the door. She comes out 5 feet and crawls back inside while eating it with her hands.
When that final day comes, you have to drive her to the hospital. She is in the car screaming. Your thinking you have to get her to the hospital, but you also have to get this screaming bitch out of the car. She is like the great white traveling down the highway.
You are a father now. You have to pull your self together. I mean, you can't come home drunk. The kids toys will mess with your head. Like the transformer. It's a truck, it's a robot, what the fuck is it.
.

The baby

2005-09-03T12:26:00.000+02:00

I'm gonna be a father, whether I like it or not. Well I don't. I'm barely a grown up my self. I would say I still fall under the kid category. Taking care of a child, I don't know if I can do that. I mean, one time my mom asked my to watch out for her flowers while she was gone. I could not even do that. They need water and shit, who knew. This is a human we are talking about. The baby probably needs more than water. I don't know, it could be anyone's guess really.
I think that one should be happy when one is going to become a parent. I'm not happy. The more I think about it, the more depressed I get. I'm not being selfish. I do not think it is right to bring a child into this world that is not wanted. Call me an asshole. Call me what ever you want. By now, I'm use to the name dropping. Mother could be very cruel.
I got 2 options now. I could leave her, which I don't want to do. Or I could pretend to be a happy father.
And they say birth control pills are the safest. Safest my aching ass. It's kinda the same when congress received anthrax. "You go on about your lives. You will be perfectly safe. We will be miles away".

Aliun

2005-09-01T14:23:00.000+02:00

Want to see how the Aliun levitation looks? Here's a little sneak peek.
Aliun

MaGyvva

2005-08-26T11:28:00.000+02:00

I was watching McGyver the other day because I have that kinda time. There is one character on the show that seems to be superhuman. This character never dies. He always manages to survive, no matter how bad the situation is. He falls down a cliff. You would think he was dead. Bam, three episodes later, he is back. Everyone's surprised. Even the camera man. "This is fucked up, I'm out of here".
The first word that come out of his mouth is "MaGyvva". Followed by some laughs "Hahah". Then some more laughter "Ha". I too, don't know what the funny is.
He then goes into explaining how he survived falling off a cliff. Which you would think no one could of survived. It always sounds so far fetched. " While falling I managed to make a parachute out of my underwear. I was goddamn lucky for not wearing my thong that day".
I think that the person who plays Murdoc is like that in real life. The producers threaten to kick him off the show. He goes bananas. They had supposable killed him. Now they got to come up with these bull shit reasons for his survival. I would be scared to too. He looks like a mean mofo. And what is Richard Dean Anderson going to do. Pull out his swiss army knife? What, it has a short blunt blade. A wine opener and a nail file.
"Step away from the producer. I got a nail file here. It can be irritating".

Copperfield

2005-08-18T16:21:00.000+02:00

I have some good news. I'm really going to see Copperfield live for the very first time. He will be performing in Denmark october 14-16. Denmark is only about a 2 hour flight away. Now I don't have to go to Vegas. Vegas, the entertainment capital of the world. Vegas, where you can see performance after performance. Vegas, gambling.
Now I kinda forgot why this was good news.

Happy Birthday

2005-06-29T12:09:00.000+02:00

My birthday is coming up. July 25. I'm not excited about it. No matter how old you get, they treat you like a kid. You are 50 years old, you still have to blow out the candles. There is always one candle that stays lit. Then the rest of the group has to help out, because you could not possible do it on your own. Yeah, you managed to blow out 15 candles within 3 seconds and you almost pass out and land your face in the cake.
The rest of the group has to help out. Among that group is a person know as, the spitter. You do not want people like that near a candle lit cake. Specially if it's cake you are going to eat.
Later on you have to open the presents, otherwise you are rude. I hate the pressure when opening presents. Everyone is watching you. It's like, will he make it or not. First you have to struggle to open the present, which was wrapped 10 times with duct tape. Thank you uncle Joe, you are a real handyman. When you finally open it up, you have to pretend to like the gift. Always shit. Like sandal's. Sandal's are waste. It's like, where the fuck is the other half of the shoe. It's only half of a shoe. Go back to the store and ask for the other half. You've been ripped off.
Every year you get a bottle of perfume from someone. " I love you but you smell like shit. That's why I bought you this bottle of perfume". "Thanks Tiffany, THANKS".
There is always people you don't know at your birthday party. How the hell did he get here? People you don't like and don't know.
At the end of the day you have to say thank you to all the people you did not invite. You have to thank them for coming to a party you did not want to be a part of in the first place.

Women

2005-06-27T12:50:00.000+02:00

I have a great understanding with women. I don't get them and they don't get me. They don't give me what I want and I don't get what I want. If a women likes you, she gives you tiny subtle hints. It could be something like, if she bends down to tie her shoe lace and at the same time she brushes against the leg with her left hand in a 23 degree angle while looking not directly at you. These are clues not even the best code decipher working for the pentagon could crack.
I ask people for advice, they tell me to just be myself. Wow, that is ground breaking. And here I'm trying to be Superman, McGyver, Cool Dude. Side note: Cool Dude is a character I made up myself. His cool.
I try to (s)talk to women. When I talk to a woman I'm attracted to, I don't know what to say. I can't be myself. Inside my head there is a voice encouraging me to say stuff. "Dude, say something. Say something funny". I do, then I find out it was not a good idea. "Dude, you shouldn't have said anything". Damn you voice.
When I talk to women I'm not attracted to, I can be myself. I'm relaxed. I can be funny. I can talk with them. I wish I could do that with the one I'm attracted to. I think I know why that is. When talking to the ones I'm not attracted to, I know that nothing is going to happen. On a sub conscious level, I don't give a damn if they like me or not. Thus, I can be myself.

Smart

2005-06-27T11:56:00.000+02:00

Everyone wants to be smart. Or they want people to think that they are smart. I'm smart. That's what I'm told. Everybody I know tells me I'm smart. Well, they add another word after the word smart. Like mouth or something. Smart mouth, that's the one. Hey, at least there is something smart about me, right? I celebrate that every Friday. Two beers, because after that I pass out due to my smart mouth.
On a side note. This is the first time the spel checker said, "No Errors Found". Yet another reason to celebrate.

Contest

2005-06-25T18:24:00.000+02:00

I finally did it. I made a pathetic video of a short stand up routine. I'm now a part of the stand up contest. The contest is to write a funny script or to make a short video of stand up routine. The funniest contributor wins. The winner gets to perform at the annual stand up festival in Oslo, august 22.
Fingers crossed.

Help! My Phone is possessed

2005-06-15T23:38:00.000+02:00

I got to get myself a new cell phone. The speaker is broken. When talking on the phone with someone, it sounds like I'm talking with Satan. That's scary. Maybe Lucifer is really trying to contact me. And to think of all those nights spent in the woods.
I'm never really sure what exactly the other person is saying. I have to go "excuse me" all the time. After 11 "excuse me's" they tend to get pissed and hang up. When I meet them, they ask me what the fuck is wrong with me. I ask them, "Is that a vain in your forehead, or are you just really pissed to see me"? I tell them the truth as I want to see it. The phone is possessed, I say. At nights, it wakes me up and says all kinds of mean things. Like, "Toy with me", "I want to talk right now".
Although, it gets a totally different meaning when said by a woman.
It's Siemens, what else can you expect.

Comedy Festival

2005-06-08T22:20:00.000+02:00

Every year, Stand Up Norway arranges a stand up festival in Oslo. All the pros are gonna be there. What's so special about this year is, they have contest. The contest is to write the funniest jokes, scripts etc. The winner gets to perform at the festival. This could be a huge opportunity for me. Yet there is a part of me that hopes I don't win.
I have never performed comedy on a stage, ever. If I win, which I doubt, I guess I just have to suck it up and do what I really wanna do.
I have been advised to write every day. To write down absolutely every thing. I have to be honest, I haven't done that. I try to come up with excuses for not to write. Like, did I leave the toilet seat up. Or, did I wash my hands today. Hey is that a spider. Let's see how long it will survive in this jar. This will be my new project for the next 3 days. I will focus on the jar and spider only. This could maybe cure cancer.
By now I have run out of excuses. So I have compiled a list of excuses. Every day I spend 30 minutes to write a new list of excuses. Some of them are:
Visit relatives 4 times a week. Hang out at the DMV. Make new friends at the DMV. Investigate different types of smells. Speaking of smells. Don't hang out with a guy named Curly at the DMV.
Today I parked my ass and wrote for almost an hour. Jokes that is. My goal is to write at least 15- jokes everyday. Or write as much as possible for an hour.

Vegas baby

2005-06-05T18:23:00.000+02:00

I love to travel. I would really like to visit Vegas one day. The entertainment capital of the world. If I go to Vegas, it is for one reason. To see Copperfield live. I have never seen him live. I have never seen a stage performance live. I told a friend of mine about it because she has been in the US. All she gave me was warnings. Do not travel alone and such. If I do I'm not going to enjoy the trip. I will constantly be looking over my shoulder. She said health insurance isn't free in the US, unlike in Norway. And if you have ever been in Norway on purpose, you will notice that it's a totally different country. I was fine before I asked her, but now she has me really freaked out. I could always go with my friends, but it's not going to happen. They will never go. They would rather go on a fishing trip. Catch and releasing fish isn't fun anymore. Maybe because I'm not 10. I have passed the phase where poking fish was fun. Vegas, fishing. The difference in the entertainment value is indescribable. I really want to go though, despite my friends warning. Although I have picked up some advice from an intern in NY. When walking down the streets, look crazy. Make it look like you are about to snap any minute. The crazy people never turn on each other.

Catch and release

2005-06-02T15:48:00.000+02:00

The fishers on TV never keep the fish. They measure it, weigh it, and then let it go. Isn't the whole point of fishing to provide food if you don't have the money to buy it?
Now if those people bought a gold fish as a pet. Would they keep it? Or would they release it back into the wild? On the table would probably be a fish bowl with water and the decoration, but no fish.
If these people were to buy a hooker. They would bring her home. Place her on a scale to weigh her, then measure her. Then let her back onto the streets.
If the navy had a catch and release program for terrorists, it might look something like this:

Fashion

2005-06-01T14:49:00.000+02:00

Everyday I have to struggle to pick out little outfits for myself. I try to look my best. Let's just say, dog shit doesn't become candy when wrapped in silk paper.
Sometimes I try to be clever and combine different type of clothing. Even that's not good enough for the fashion police. I get remarks like, that doesn't look good on you, your head is too big for that shirt, that's what you are wearing? Mother could be very cruel.
The other day, a friend of mine asked me when am I going to cut my hair. That's what she said. Cut my hair. Cut my own hair, is that what she is getting at? Considering I don't have that much scissor experience like her, because my mom would not let me touch a pair of scissors until I was 15. Here she is insulting me. Why don't you just take a pair of scissors and stab me.
I could maybe do it. I would have to practice first though. I could like, cut strips of paper.
Second thought, I wont get my hair done. If I do, I'm gonna pick the worst hair cut ever. Just to annoy her even more.

Sleep disorder

2005-05-30T11:56:00.000+02:00

Have you ever woken up and think you are dreaming then go back to sleep and dream that you are dreaming?
The other day when I woke up, I noticed that the TV and the DVD player was turned on. They were turned off before I went to sleep. I'm sure of that. I did some investigation, because I have that kinda time. I came to the conclusions that apparently I must have turned it on. Further analyzes show that I have very little to do when I'm a sleep. I guess I'm bored, and in the need of some entertainment if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
After 2 hours of investigating the scene. I got curious about what DVD I had watched when I was a sleep. So I had to use one of my investigation tools, the remote control. It turns out it was the last DVD I bought. It's like one of those self help books, except it's on DVD. It's titled, "How to for idiots: How to have your 10 to do list done before breakfast". This might be a vital evidence, but I think not. I don't see any connection.
While investigating the scene further, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was my roommate, Turtle. He said," Why are you lying on the floor man? Your just tired dude, just tired. Go back to bed".
Turns out, this whole thing was a dream and I was sleep walking. Turtle told me all about it.

Dreams or Nightmares

2005-05-30T10:46:00.000+02:00

I just had a bizarre dream last night. I like card flourishes, it's on my mind a lot. So is De'vo's next DVD, which is soon to be released.
I dreamt that I met up with some of the Handlordz members, including De'vo. Now De'vo is mysteries. He never shows his face in his DVD's, nor in pictures. I have always wondered what he looked like. Anyways, back to my dream.
I was hanging out with the Handlordz members. I asked them where De'vo is. They said he was on the balcony getting a tan. I walked over to the door. Just as I was about to open the door, De'vo walks in. In my mind, I had imagined him to be this really mysteries cool looking person. Instead, in walked this tiny kid. Apparently asian. He introduced himself as De'vo. That's all I can remember.
A few dreams later, I was on the set of That 70s Show. We were all hanging out in the basement watching TV. For some reason we were all watching That 70s Show. I don't know why, but we had a great time. We were all laughing.
That's all I can remember.

Phone service

2005-05-26T21:14:00.000+02:00

I hate the phone service people. They can never get around answering that phone can they.
The other day I had to make a phone call to Telenor about my internet connection.
Before you get to talk to the service people, you have to answer a bunch of yes and no questions. That's something that makes you feel really intelligent. Some of the questions were worded weird. Like,"Have you ever had cybersex and do you have email".
After you have answered the questions, not only do you feel stupid but you actually believe you are going to talk to the service people. Not a chance in hell. You get to listen to music. Music that reminds you of a shitty porn movie from the 80s. It's music you don't even want your kids to hear.
Now you are gullible and stupid.
I don't know what the fuck is going on over there. Does the person have a phobia for answering phones? Or do they have a bet going to see who can hold the longest?
If they give me a call about something, I have my boom box ready.

Dildo and his companion

2005-05-25T20:44:00.000+02:00

Finally the government has come to they're senses. They are kicking Mullah Krekar out of the country. Some people said that he is not evil, but I always thought this was a clue (the picture above). That's Krekar on the right. On the left is his lawyer. He looks like a dildo.
By the intense look he gives Krekar, it looks like some one envies all that hair.
Dildo:"God I want your hair".
Krekar:"Yeah, but you would still look like a dildo, but with a French tickler".

Ramble on

2005-05-20T00:44:00.000+02:00

Ever since I started this blog I feel pressured to write something everyday.
Today I don't know what to write about. This is also known as filler, just like many of the other posts.

Do you know why the moose died after falling off a cliff?
Because a cow sat on it.

Do you know what a deer says right before it is hit by a car?
C'mon, give it your best shot.

There are hidden messages in everything.
When you get a bottle of perfume as a gift, that is just so evil. The hidden message here kids is, you stink.

The other day, a friend of mine offered me gum and that pissed me off. He did it right in front of everybody too. Why not just take a knife and stab me. If his breath doesn't smell like a meadow, I don't broadcast it like a tornado warning.

When someone holds the door for you. By that, they mean you are retarded. It means that you are incapable of doing it your self.

Things not to say while in a public bathroom:
* You need help with that?
* I could really use some help right now.
* What's that ridiculous looking piece of flesh?
* Nice
* Hello everybody
* Wanna see a trick?
* I can make mine look like a burger

End of ramble.

Art

2005-05-16T10:52:00.000+02:00

Meet Mark McGowan. That's Mark on a typical Monday morning. He suffers from diarrhea. He had to use the tub. Otherwise, he would clog up the neighborhoods entire pipe system. But he says feel free to use the tub when visiting.
Mark claims that it is an art to scratch up other peoples cars. Don't you find it strange that Mark has only scratched up his boss and his ex-wives cars?

Hands free

2005-05-11T17:36:00.000+02:00

I remember when hands free came out. Everybody got excited. What a relief. Now I can talk on the phone and take a piss at the same time.
I will never buy one. I don't want to look like a nut case. You pass them on the street, it looks like they are talking to them selves. Although some of them are.
Now the ear pieces are even smaller. The goal is to make them so small that you can't tell if they are talking to you, talking in the phone or talking with them selves.

Scenario:
You are in a public bathroom having a phone conversation with a co-worker . People think you are talking to your johnson. Someone asks you what the hell you are doing. You say, you are talking with Johnson.
My friends brag about they're ear piece, and that I should get one. Let's just see how smug they are when men in white coats are chasing them down the street.

PETA

2005-05-06T23:01:00.000+02:00

Check out this video clip:
PETA
At least we know they are hardworking.

PETA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Ethical means moral or proper which differs for every person. Its something you discuss.
It's sad when animals are tortured. Sadly, that is the case is some countries.
PETA wants animals to live like humans. To set all animals free onto the streets. They try to accomplish these goals by harassing, threatening people, and funneling the money to people who strike matches and throw bombs.
Seems to me, these people are more like a religion. They operate like a cult.
If you want to set all animals loose onto the streets. I'm saying no baby. You do not want an 800 pound horny gorilla as your neighbor. When it's spring time the gorilla goes,"I'm gonna fuck you until you love me baby". What are you gonna do? Bring a picnic basket and stay for the day? No, you call the cops. But they would be,"Fuck that, I'm out of here". They will be miles away. Even the Taliban are going, "You are some crazy motherfuckers". Some horny bastard might go,"Could be fun".
The world is not a Disney movie where the lion signs a song to the zebra, and later on they make out in the bushes. If it were, I would be making out with Betty Boop.
What a wonderful dream.

To levitate

2005-05-04T12:57:00.000+02:00

I don't talk a lot about magic in my blog, even though I'm a fan of it and use to be a dorky magician. Right now I'm just dorky.
Jeff McBrides card manipulation series really got to me. When I first started learning, I was hooked. I practiced 4-5 hour's every day for about 2 months. After that I was just so sick of it.
There are some good effects out there and a lot of crap. Some people should not have the rights to put out material in the first place.
At Hocus Pocus, they have been plugging this levitation for about a year.

In-Flight, the ultimate self-levitation system for the 21st goddamn Century, is back for a limited time!

Back for a limited time, and God bless us all. What does it really mean? Back for a limited time. Back for a limited time until we can dig up more bull shit reasons to sell you crap that we don't need. Limited edition. Limited until we make some more.
Magicians have this pipe dream about the ultimate levitation. There isn't one.
A few years back at the fucked up cafe, this person was hyping up everyone about his latest invention. The ultimate levitation. Retro Gravity. In retrospect, it was a bluff. With his so called new levitation, he promised that you could levitate higher and even above water. Above water? What are you going to do? "OK folks, follow me onto this lake. I'm going to levitate over here. Peter come here". That's just ripping off Jesus.
Let's face it, there isn't going to be the best levitation. Or a push button effect. If you are going to create the illusion of levitating, use what you got and just give it some practice and use some showmanship for crying out loud.
Stop coming up with these fucked up levitations. Go create something new and fresh. Maybe the new levitation coming out named, Aliun will be something new.
Ok folks, I'm off to writing my book about the mechanics grip and the many variations I've come up with. The book is going to be a limited edition.

Aliun

2005-04-26T19:06:00.000+02:00

Don't you think it's weird when someone can't explain what they have seen, they cop to the idea that it must have been a UFO? It doesn't cross they're minds that it could be an air balloon, plane, helicopter or a meteor.
Many people claim they have seen aliens. Even worse, they claim the have been abducted. These are the same people you see institutionalized a week later.
We kill each other, we molest children, we rape, we abuse, we screw people over. And we are still eagerly awaiting for the aliens to land on our lovely planet. Don't you think they are galaxies away by now?
Gods probably up there going,"I gave you a nice planet and you fucked it up".

The Mob

2005-04-22T12:23:00.000+02:00

Happy 6 Month Anniversary Magic Mafia.
Go check out the The Mob

2005-04-19T23:39:00.000+02:00

If you are still doubting. It's not allowed to carry a weapon and wear a mask when you are in the bank. A bank in Svaldbard put up a sign that says just that. It's like they are saying,"No robber,no".
Some stupid robber might go,"Oh shit, where's the fun now".
Everybody is carrying guns now. Even old ladies who just use to carry a mace, but would mix it up with the breath refresher. "Oh, there goes the day".
Guns don't kill people, crazy paranoid people who have no self control with guns kill people.

Drugs

2005-04-15T20:57:00.000+02:00

I do not do drugs. I use to though. I did it once or twice. I just wanted to see what the fuss was about. For you still wondering, it's nothing special. Other then that it enhances your tastes, sensations, colors and you look fucking goofy. You think you are on top of the world. Wrong. You are lucky if you can find your own god damn feet.
What really annoys me are those patronizing people. "Oh, you do drugs because you think it's cool". I can't stand that. Yes I do drugs because I think it's cool, and I want to have a lot of friends. But now, most of my friends are either in rehab or jail.
People like that piss me off.
caffeine is a drug I enjoy and use on a regular basis. When I'm hopped up on caffeine, it kinda feels like when you have drunken a lot of alcohol. The only difference is, you don't get those phone calls the next day like, "I took a piss on your dog"? Well Jr had it coming. The dog has been pissing on my lawn for the past 2 years. So here's a little switch, I'm gonna piss on Jr for the next couple of weekends.

2005-04-11T21:45:00.000+02:00

No, it's not a poster of the most wanted kid. Would be cool though. They could hand them out at the kinder garden and stuff. And you are wrong again, it's not a photograph from Michael Jackson "Best Friends Album". Now that was uncalled for.
It's a Norwegian food product. Stop guessing, no, it's not made of children. Then why the heck is there a picture of a kid on a food product??? Beats me. I asked the company who makes this product. They said;"It looks nice".

Well, this looks niceer, but are they doing it. Hell no.
Some peoples lack of marketing skills is beyond my understanding.
Maybe its the fountain of youth? "I use to be a 65 year old man. I ate this disgusting looking product, and look at me now". "He looks like a 10 year old, but you would think you are talking to a 65 year old".
Maybe not a bad idea after all. I admire they're marketing skills.

Miracle Wallet

2005-04-10T20:48:00.000+02:00

Miracle wallet
The latest thing in magic today is a wallet that can bend coins. Isn't that something? To bend a coin using a wallet.
Why would I need a wallet to bend coins?
Wouldn't pliers be more handy? And how the heck are you going to bend coins using a wallet? To me that seems to be a better trick. If it was the other way around, pliers to bend a coin. Not that impressive.
Then again, pliers would be more suspicious then a wallet. If you pull out a set of pliers and go "Oh look the coin is bent".
Maybe not a bad trick after all.
Look closley at the picture. Paul's probably going "If you only knew what finger I was showing you".

Voices

2005-04-02T22:56:00.000+02:00

You know that little voice in your head?
Oh come on, don't tell me I'm the only one? Well everyone has a voice in their head.
Don't kid yourself.
My voice is in English, and I'm Norwegian.
That is going to be a problem.
Sometimes I have to get a translator to translate what's being said.
For all I know, my voice could be talking to the other voices behind my back.
And God knows what they are talking about.

The Finger

2005-03-31T18:41:00.000+02:00

Today someone gave me the finger. I don't know why.
What does it really mean? Am I suppose to feel bad when someone shows me one of their fingers?
Who invented the finger? Did he try everything else?
Maybe at first he showed people his toes. That is really offensive.
Not only does it stink, but you have to take the shoe and the sock off.
Is he the same guy who invented the thumbs up move?
If you show someone your middle finger they will feel bad. If you show your thumb they will feel happy.
What would happen if you confused those two? "Nice job Bill". Then you give him the finger.
What came first? The thumb or the finger?

Stand up

2005-03-25T21:46:00.000+01:00

I want to become a stand up comedian when I grow up. It is my biggest dream.
I get the feel that I haven't grown up yet.
People are constantly yelling at me,"Would you grow up".
I try to ask them for advice. They tell me to stop acting like a baby.
I don't know what to do. If I could have one wish, it would be to grow up.

Cooking on TV

2005-03-23T21:24:00.000+01:00

I will never understand why they cook on TV.
I can't smell it.
I can't eat it.
I can't taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera-
"Well here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye"

Gay men not playing by the rules

2005-03-23T00:08:00.000+01:00

Don't you think gay men should have their own bathrooms?
Not to be rude or anything.
If you think about it, it's kinda like a man going into the ladies bathroom.
The only difference is, he is disguised as a real man.
Or instead of that, they should go to the ladies bathroom.
They belong to that team. If we have to play by the rules, then so should they.
What about those transsexuals? What the fuck is up with that? Who are they fooling?
Was it a decision making problem? Or are they waiting for the operation to be completed?
A man wearing make up is kinda like a leopard giving you a facial, it doesn't really work.
If anyone should have their own bathroom, it should be the transsexuals.

Crack

2005-03-22T15:48:00.000+01:00

Caffeine is a drug- don’t kid yourself. It’s a drug that makes you work harder- that’s why it isn’t outlawed. If coffee made you sit at home all day and giggle at cartoons- it’d be illegal.

All these coffee shops are basically government approved crack houses. People walk in disheveled looking for a fix, can barely operate- then they leave happy and motivated to work. Watch somebody walking into a coffee shop and then watch the same person leaving. Got a little kick in their step!

If they could find a way to put caffeine in cigarettes the government would look the other way too.

The ball and vase

2005-03-22T14:55:00.000+01:00

I found a cool video clip of a magic act that is totally original. Never seen anything like it.
Ball and Vase

Man in Box

2005-03-21T23:08:00.000+01:00

Nate Burton
Magician Nathan Burton does his best David Blaine impression

Yes, that's right; the Las Vegas entertainer intends to lock himself in a box with seven scantily clad showgirls for seven days in a publicity stunt that will take place March 9-15 in front of the Desert Passage's "V" Theater at the Aladdin hotel-casino.
Our homeboy Burton is doing his stunt Vegas-style. He's borrowing some of Mayor Oscar Goodman's finest sequins and feathers, and spending an entire week locked in a box with a rotating troupe of 75 busty, hardly dressed women. No food. No water. Just an endless supply of energy drinks.
Howard Stern is scheduled to interview a boxed-in Burton; E! is planning a half-hour special; and the nightly news programs and entertainment gossip shows will likely follow. Plus, when it's all over, Burton won't just walk away. The box will be lowered, put on a cart, wheeled out to a waiting flatbed truck and then transported down Interstate 15 on its way to Hollywood, where it will be opened before a live television audience.

So tell us, magic man, why?

"It's the chance of a lifetime for me," says Burton. "I have my five minutes of fame, and I want to make something of it. I want to be the one reality person that people remember."

The Father of Modern Magic

2005-03-21T03:20:00.000+01:00

I thought I write a little about Robert Houdin.

Robert Houdin was born december 7 1805 in France. He was the father of modern magic. Before he cam along, magicians were basicly street performerse. They were consideret crooks, criminals and no one would assosiated with them.
By the late 1840 Houdin had put watch making aside and dedicated him self to magic. He did magic diffrently. Utilizing his watch making skills he brought atonetoms into his act. One of the atonetoms was an orange tree. He would borrow a bill from a from a gentelman and a ring from a lady. He would place them into a hanky and then set it on fire. The tree started to grove oranges. They were real oranges. He would take one orange and toss it to the gentalman and inside would be his signed bill. The orange on top of the tree would crack open and butterflies would fly out of it with the hanky and the ring attached to the hanky.

Robet Houdin took magic off the streets and brought it to the theater. He changed the very nature of magic. Magic was becomming a respectical theatrical art for the upper classes. Magicians were becomming celebrities.

In 1854 he desided to put magic aside and become a writer to study electrisety. The french goverment had diffrent ideas however. What was to follow was going to be one of the most legendary stories of magic. How a magician ended a war.

The french at that time were occupying the algeers wich where know as the Marabous who claimed that they had magical powers. They pulled theyre teeth out and put them back in and said I have magical powers and you dont. I now rule your country. Houdin picked up an apple and said fire. He caught the bullet with the apple. That did not impress them enough so he said fire again and this time he caught it between his teeth.

The trick that really stoped the killing was the Light and Heavy Chest. He cast a spell over a man who showed he was such a powerfull magician. He could take away the mans strenght and the man could no longer pick up the box.
He stoped a lot of killing with a single magic show, now thats amazing. However on June 13 1871 the great magician past away. His legacy however carried on.

I hope you learned some thing and enjoyed reading it.

Sleeping disorders

2005-03-21T00:19:00.000+01:00

I can't sleep.
How can I suck at something I do every night? You would think I'd learn by now.
I'm a very light sleeper.
How about these people who can sleepwalk and eat in their sleep?
That's amazing - I can't even sleep in my sleep and these people are multitasking.
I wish I had a sit ups, brush my teeth and shave sleeping disorder.
Then when I wake up I could have half my to do list done. Then go bakc to bed, and get more done.

The Voice

2005-03-20T23:20:00.000+01:00

I'm jealous of crazy people.
I wish I heard voices in my head, because I'm really freakin bored!
It'd be great, somebody to talk to.
I get tierd of my own thoughts, I could use a nother opinion.

"Hey Voice, what do you think of that comercial?"
"Really, I thought it was stupid."
I could fight with my voice.

I like a good fight. right to the end. Even when a person says , "I guess we will have to agree to disagree."
"Nope, I don't even agree with that. In fact, I disagree to agree. I don't agree with anything you say."
And that starts a whole nother argument.

I like when somebody says, " You always have to have the finale word."
"You got me there."
Lets agree to agree to that.

Hello

2005-03-20T22:56:00.000+01:00

Well, this is it. I finally decided to start my own blog. Not that I have anything important to say. I was just so bored out of my mind. Plus the doctor suggested it to me. He said a blog would be a nice way for me to get rid of my rage.
People think I suffer from insanity. I don't suffer from inasinty, I enjoy every minute of it.
There is my first post. Go nuts.